Pecking order of twins...

When my twins were babies I did a stint as a PR Director (volunteer of course) for the Australian Multiple Birth Association.  It is a great organisation where you get 'support from those who know' and at my local chapter just being in the company of those with twins and triplets older than mine I had some hope I would have time one day to wash my hair and have more than a 5 second shower and more than 2 hours sleep.

As the PR Director nationally when it came to National Birth Awareness Week I organised a few publicity events - The Today Show, Channel 10 Evening news in Sydney, Kerrie-Ann (yes, me and my family were on Kerrie-Ann) Ready Steady Cook and even 2 sets of quadruplets playing each other on Family Feud...

The families of quads I found were utterly amazing - the parents seemed so calm and proud and their family units were so tight.. but with one family in particular there was a strong sense of pecking order.  Although as babies they were all born by caesarian section and within 4 minutes of each other from there was no illusion amongst them all who was the 'eldest' and who was the 'youngest'.

This I found so interesting because the youngest of the four being a girl was termed as 'the baby' and treated that way where the eldest, a boy was the natural leader of the siblings.

It perplexed me.  I didn't want one of my girls feeling like they had something over the other one and when I discussed this with hubby we agreed - we wouldn't tell them or people who didn't know (close family and friends who we briefed that we wouldn't tell them).  So our girls have always grown up with no real birth order 'older/younger' twin thing in their vocabulary.  There's no greater responsibility with being the 'eldest' twin or leniency with the 'youngest' twin.  They are equal.

When people ask me in front of them 'Who is the eldest?' I let them answer:

'We're twins, we're born on the same day'.
'But which one of you were born first?'
'Both of us'.

Love the gappy mouths!

I truly don't understand the fascination about this with others - my girls say 'Eloise is the big sister and we're the little sisters'.  That's enough don't you think?

Of course there's going to be a time they will know - it's on their birth certificates 'older or twins/younger of twins'...

If you have or know twins - do the twins know?  Do you think it has a bearing on their relationship with each other or within the family/outside the family?

Loving the holidays

I just can't believe we're half way through our Easter holidays already!  We had a few busy days last week but we also made time to do nothing - which makes the holidays more like a holiday right?  As much as we all love a day trip I savour the days at home when we can just get on with things, have friends over to visit and we can just relax.

Last week the lovely Corrie came over and it's such a lovely friendship we've procured over the past year. It feels like we've known each other a lot longer than that actually.  Corrie having twins like myself and having young ones as she does now - I understand how busy her life is, the internal and external pressures, the need for a creative outlet.  We both love to cook, sew, blog and hold our babies close.  We love to chat.  We can chat for ages but our kids seldom let us!

Our tribes played together well - Tillie and Keira were right in their element with three girls to play with....

Whilst I cooed at beautiful Elodie... she's such a good and smiley baby - awake and sweet one moment:

and tuckered out and having a kip the next... bless!

Finn is going to have no shortage of options for formal partners between his three sisters and our three girls but he'd rather just play with his 'hangry birds' hehe.

And Eloise of course being the eldest showed her form on her bike... which impressed the young-folk as you would expect..

How's your holidays going?  Do you have a highlight so far?

The 'other stuff' we're learning at school - as twins

When people learned we've made the decision to put our twins in separate classes at the start of school there's about a 50/50 split:  Those who think it's a great idea and those who pause then tell me it's a great idea.  I'm guessing that last 50 percent aren't exactly sure why I'd do it.

I mean it is more work for me and I do feel torn at times about who I watch line up or when I'm detained at one classroom trying to get one out whilst the other is looking for me.   There are two teachers, two routines and two lots of friends and two lots of settling into school.  But I've never regretted this decision we made.

We made this decision even before they were born - I was so relieved to hear they were fraternal twins and even more overjoyed when I noticed how visibly different they were - over time they have developed of course very differently - as they are individuals - they have very different likes/dislikes/temperament and of course learning styles.

We really did want them especially in their first year to have the opportunity to be just themselves.  Not 'the twins' as they are often called by new friends or compared which is inevitable when you have twins.

When I did canteen duty the other day I noticed that they play separately, quite happily.  They have found their own group of peers and have settled in nicely.

What we have been dealing with last week is a few things:

- Sharing friends - each of the little frills has had a play date this week at our house - they have invited someone home from their respective classes and whilst it was intended to be the same day - due to the one child's schedule we spread it out over two days.  

There was initial excitement when we walked home with our new friends - but within the first hour on both dates the twin who was not hosting the playdate was upset because they felt that the playdate had somehow replaced them.  'Laura's not my best friend anymore' and then only two days later the same from Laura's mouth 'Olivia only loves Emma, she doesn't love me anymore'.   This will only continue as they get older but I do expect it, and I have explained to them that they can have friends outside the family (they have had for a long time anyways) but it doesn't mean their special relationship has changed.  I encouraged them all to play together and that helped that the 'other' twin was reassured.

We also have an amazing week with praise in school.   Eloise received 2 respect cards on the same day Laura received a responsibility card (one-off praise cards) Olivia was gutted.  The next day she got a Learner card and then the day after that (on Friday) she received a Merit award at assembly as Student of the Week whilst Laura received a respect card.  Pretty exciting stuff..   Laura asked why she didn't get one - because we are a house of equality I can understand why she would feel that way.  I just explained that she was especially good in class and I'm sure she'll have a Merit Award before long - and reinforced how she had been fabulous she had been this week.

So I suppose with all the learning done in the classroom there's just that little bit more of a learning curve socially as a twin.  And a Mama of twins too.

We're growing up!

Our days are numbered...

As I took my two twinnies out shopping, holding one hand in each of mine, I squeezed them tight. I didn't object when they asked to sit on my lap on the bus when they are clearly too big.  I looked in their faces as they spoke to me trying to burn it into my brain and memories forever what they are like right. this. second.  because in three months they'll be off to school and I'll be wanting these days back.

When we drop Eloise at school each morning the little girls declare on the way home almost every day 'twinny time' which means just the three of us.  It's not that we don't enjoy Eloise's or even Daddy's company but the dynamic totally changes and we've enjoyed this year just the three of us at home through the day.

You see, I never really had just one at home day after day.   I returned to work soon after Eloise was born (back when I was career focused and hubby had an unreliable income) and then fell pregnant with the little girls before she was one.  I continued to work until I was placed on bedrest, and then hubby had to look after me and Eloise.

Just because I can't get enough of these cute twinny pics! (they are 6mo old in this one)

Now, having two children who can dress, toilet and amuse themselves (mostly) is my payback for three babies in nappies at the same time for 18 months..  Having all three of my children born and into school within 6.5 years of the first being born is not bad at all I think.

So whilst this 6.5 years has flown, I think the past year has flown the quickest.

Most people say to me 'you must be so excited, what are you going to do with your days next year?'

I say 'I'm excited for them - they are ready for school' and that's not be being a sad-sack... it's just I know how-so-fleeting these young years are.  I'm not taking a single one for granted.

And as for next year, I'm sure I'll fill my days - with all that stuff I've been putting off for 6.5 years, like ME.

Are you, will you or did you approach your last baby going to school with sadness or excitement, or like me - a bit of both?

What happened when no words came out....

As we stepped into the office, I felt queasy.   I put it down to nerves and probably morning sickness.  I'd never felt so tired and unwell in my life, for so long.  I'd drunk so much water I felt like a human hovercraft.

There we sat our family of three waiting to see if our baby was going to be alright.

Our appointment time had come and gone.  It was doing nothing for our nerves, even hubby was getting nervous and our little 1 year old babe was picking up on it and getting twitchy.  She wanted OUT of her pram.

Finally we were called in.   I got onto the ultrasound table half with dread, half with excitement.   Only 8 months ago we were in this same place, only to find our baby had not formed.  I begged internally for this not to have the same outcome.

Warm gel goes on, Hubby is wrangling with child who wants to be with Mummy.  Probe goes on tummy.

Nothing.  Can't see anything.   My heart drops, I start gulping sadness.

Probe moves down the pelvis.  Two round blobs.  Relief, I remember this, a head and an abdomen.  Phew.

Hang on a minute.  That's not a head and an abdomen.  That's two rib cages coming off two blobs which seems to be two head..which... oh...my....god....!

The oh my god leaps out of my mouth.

The technician says 'did you not know you were having TWINS'.

Hubby who has been distracted by our babe in the pram looks up at the screen.

'labbba-digga-deellee-bwa-WHAT?'

No.  We didn't.  The ultrasound we had three weeks ago where they told us our BABY had a heartbeat was fine.  The same ultrasound we asked them to check for twins specifically because we had a history of twins in the family AND my HCG levels were a bit on the high side AND hell, I was in my 30's.

No we didn't know.

Suddenly the constant tiredness made sense.

Now I felt bad that I banned myself from the fridge, which I had frequented almost as much as the toilet.  I thought I eaten way too much as I could feel the bulge in my tummy already.

Now everything made sense.

That was five years ago today.  Five years ago we became a family of five.

Still feels like yesterday.

10 things as a twin parent I wish I had the guts to say...

I should preface this by saying of course I'm grateful for the wonderful blessings that are my twins, and I do believe that although the intensity of parenting twins has taught me many valuable things and connected me with some wonderful people.... the first years are a struggle to get through at times and on little sleep and little patience people do tend to say and do the most irritating things.  They also do turn up trumps too.

1.    Yes, I'm horrified that I just found out that I'm pregnant with twins.  I need to move house, buy a new car and there goes my work and social life for the next two years at least. I'm scared out of my mind!
2.   Yes, I think it's unreasonable to expect me to climb 4 flights of stairs when I'm 32 weeks pregnant with twins.
3.    No, I didn't have I.V.F,  it was S.E.X. and it's none of your business anyways.
4.   My name is Liss .. not 'Here's the brave/amazing lady who had twins when she had a 1 year old'
5.   Yes, I have my hands full, I didn't know that, want to come to my house at 2am? You don't?  Well SHUT UP!
6.   Oh, you had two kids a year apart?  Thanks for giving me advice because - that is SO exactly the same as twins.  Except it isn't.
7.  No, sorry I don't watch that show, is it on after 8.30 at night or something?
8.  For the record, it's not double trouble, it's double JOY
9.  No they're not identical.(are you blind?)
10.  Yes, I look tired because I AM TIRED.

So whilst I say these in all seriousness, I can look back and laugh now.  Just.

Snap Happy Saturday: Two peas in a pod

Here are our twinnies laying on the carpet, sharing a cushion, watching some TV before bed.  I love finding them like this, they do literally have that amazing bond you hear about with twins, as much as I always thought that was total rubbish...  Although very different and independent girls they change their needs and wants to suit the other one.  They are so lucky to have each other.

I asked them yesterday what they like about being twins:
We can share toys
We can share socks
We always have someone to talk to (and believe me they talk A LOT)
We can have bunk beds
We have lots of barbies.

All good reasons I think, don't you?

PS: Don't forget to head over to the Twigson giveaway, I'm giving away a double pass tonight!

I promised myself I wouldn't rant about this.. but my hands are tied

Octomom, now this nightmare. A tunisian woman is pregnant with TWELVE babies and wants to deliver them naturally. I mean REALLY.  Even I, with twins, had the good sense to listen to my doctor when he advised that the position of my babies did not lend itself to safe delivery of TWO babies... this woman is risking her and multiple babies' lives by even CARRYING twelve babies, but to deliver them naturally?  She's crazy... and irresponsible.

At least she's not selling her story - yet.  Two babies, three babies, four babies, six babies - incomprehensible the amount of work of twelve babies - who is going to do all this work?  How much love an attention can you give twelve children of the same age at any time?  Large families with lots of kids over a number of years can support and help each other out - but when you have 12 babies going through 6 week growth spurt, teething, crawling, illness, toilet training.. nurturing, cuddling, kissing..there's just not enough hours in the day.

I'll go on with my rant about publicity and infamy hound parents of multiples another day...

SnapHappySaturday: Cafe Chic

On Thursday Eloise went on a playdate (halleluia - how not having just one child can change a dynamic at times!) and I took the girls on a 'twinny-time-date' just the two of them after playgroup.  It was fun.

Sipping Babycinos

Lasagne for lunch

It was so lovely just having time for them without their big sister dominating proceedings - we had a wonderful afternoon.  Should do it more often! 

Wow.something in the water? The air?

A remote indian village reports an ongoing multiple birth boom..

Last year in 300 births they recorded 15 sets of twins. That is 5% of births - here in Australia currently it hovers around 1.7-1.8% and that's increased by 1% on average over the past 20 or so years due to medical advances and also women having their children later in life.

Some 250 sets of twins have been registered in a village of 2,000 families.

"In my medical opinion there are around 300 to 350 twins within the village boundaries of Kodinhi," many of whom aren't registered, Dr. Krishnan Sribiju told the newspaper. A twin enthusiast and local doctor, Sribiju has been studying the village for two years.
"What is fascinating is the increasing numbers of twins with each passing year, so much so that I feel in the past 10 years the number of twins in Kodinhi has doubled ... To the best of my knowledge this medical marvel began somewhere between 60 to 70 years ago."
So why are there so many sets of twins in the village? Doctors are stumped.

More and source AOL here

Taking a trip down pictorial memory lane

I've just spent some well wasted time going through some old stuff I posted on a forum I used to frequent:

January 21, 2006 (Laura and Olivia are 1 month old)
can't quite believe I just wrote that, but yes, Olivia and Laura are 1 month old! It's kind of a blur to be honest.. not much sleep and days are only different when Adam is home..!

Laura has finally surpassed her birthweight - and was 2.99kg last Tuesday (2.90 at birth) and Olivia has well and truly overtaken her sister at 3.1kg (2.63 at birth) Friday week ago... they are still feeding 3-4 hours sometimes stretching out to 5 but that's rare...

Since Thursday both have been going through their 6 week growth spurt (a little early!) with always wanting to be held and settled to sleep and always hungry and letting out those lusty cries!

Challenging time when I'm home alone with Eloise but I seem to be getting through them, and repeating to myself 'this part is only temporary' (mantra! )

Both are becoming a lot more alert and Laura is a real nicky-nose - she was awake for 3 hours in a row today Both are strong but Olivia takes the cake, it won't be long before she rolls and already is dying for tummy time. When she lays down on your chest and you're laying down she can support her head up and looks around with great control... very scary stuff!

Both love their food, but of course very differently.. Olivia is the formula fed bubba and guzzles like it's her last beer! As a result, she's a very windy baby but she's slowly improving bringing up her wind (we have had seriously 1 hour winding sessions even with upright feeding and brauers colic relief!) Laura on the other hand savours all her breastfeeds and EBM and sits up and immediately belches - she would put a truckie to shame

They are so incredibly different and so lovely in their own ways - they have swapped the personalities they had in the womb totally - Laura is now the placid one and Olivia is feisty... will be interesting to see if they swap again, or become more similar...Laura has an ultrasound at 6weeks to check for hip displasia - given she was breech (just formality) and I'm going to try and get Laura into see a paed about this feeding issue with formula (as much as I enjoy bf long term it is easier to formula feed with my workload).

March 9, 2006 (3 years ago)
Point form:
*2.5 months old
*Loving tummy time
*Smiling and giggling (Mummy is soooo funny you know!)cooing and gaahing (sooo cute)
*approx 4.8 and 3.8kgs (getting weighed on Monday) (Olivia being the biggest)
*Sometimes sleeping through the night but seldom on the same night and usually only if Laura sleeps with me*Still BF Laura - trialling formula in a couple of weeks
*No time for myself... and I have alternating and sometimes days at a stretch when both need to be held all the time (I call these my BAD days) I can't tell you how many times I've been to the loo with a baby in my arms or in the Baby Bjorn.. I've mastered taking down my drawers with 1 hand!

Good lord. EEEk.

I also came accross these pics from about 3 months later...

July 2006 - Laura and Olivia enjoying rusks - 'Yay, we love rusks'

Olivia swipes Laura's rusk:

Laura notices:

Sibling Dynamics - gets me thinking...

Just watched an interesting show called 'Child of Our Time' it's quite similar to '7 up' series but this starts in 2000 and follows 25 children for 20 years. Tonight's episode focused on sibling dynamics and how the sibling relationship shapes who we are and teaches valuable lifeskill.The episode link is here if you're interested..

They had older/younger siblings but very interestingly had two sets of twins.. First set of twins were identicals, and one was much more dependent on his brother than the brother was. One twin found that his life revolved around his brother and when asked who he would want to comfort him when he was unwell, he said his brother. His brother said his Mum. Then they were asked who they would want to play with at lunchtime, the dependent brother said his brother and his brother said 'lots of friends'... and so it went on. They did separate them and it did seem to go well with the dependent brother coping without his brother but forming intense one-on-one friendships within his class. Interestingly when separated, the more independent twin did seek out his dependent brother at lunchtimes..

The other twin family was a bit of a Kalie-set-up but with a Liss-twist where there were boy-girl twins as the elder siblings with a younger brother born 18 months (that's the Liss twist) younger. They focused more on the relationship of the two boys and how the youngest was very competitive and attention-seeking to the point he was driven (and successful most of the time) to 'win' or 'beat' his older brother at everything. It was really sad as the elder brother didn't really even like his younger brother anymore The youngest had a harmonious relationship with the elder sister, but she seemed to side a bit with the younger brother (a bit unfair!) and it was a sad situation all around. The family moved to the country and the elder kids started school which gave the older brother the confidence he needed but also made him realise when separated from his younger brother - he actually missed him (although he didn't want to admit it to the brother) and similarly, the younger brother missed having his older brother on tap.

Interesting, shall watch the next in the series next week when they are investigating learning life's lessons and conscience building in 6 year olds..

Some anxiety started to build inside me when watching the family with the boy/girl twins and the younger sibling - as when I discovered that we were expecting twins, just 18 months after my first born Eloise I was overwrought with concern about how it was going to affect her. I am paranoid about her feeling left out and obviously when there's a majority of the family the same age/developmental cycle it does affect the family dynamic. I also worried about the attention that would be poured onto the whole novelty of twins when they were born etc which did happen especially in public but I did a lot of making a big deal out of Eloise being a big sister in response. Now I wonder if this overcompensating or if there is jealousy because Eloise is a vivacious, attention seeking individual... nothing to the levels of young William on tonight's show but there is something there... I don't know if it's age, personality or if it's the dynamic that manifesting itself in the personality.. does that make sense?

Mother guilt never ever ends. I'm doing my best, I know what I'm dealing with.. I wish I was a child psychologist!!

the light at the end of the tunnel...

not so many years ago (3 to be exact) I was in a very different place. I used to fantasize about having twin 3 year olds and a 4 year old like I do now. My life at that point was changing at least 20 nappies a day, living on maximum of 3 hours sleep a night, being tired, frustrated, never being able to relax... 24-hour-a-day-feeding-changing-cleaning-settling-crying robot.

I loved my girls but oh my I wasn't enjoying my life. It was just so intense. I couldn't see my way out of the fog. I was drowning in the enormity of raising 3 children under 2. My hubby was going to work and trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel every day. He was short-tempered (like me) and stressed and like me felt like he never got a break.

I remember resenting him because he did get to go to work. He got to talk to adults. He got to have a cup of coffee and drink it all at once. He got to eat his lunch in one sitting. He only had to smell of baby vomit for a few hours a day. What I didn't consider is that he had to maintain a professional career on little sleep and then dread coming home to an overwraught wife with three babies that she ceremoniously handed over the minute he stepped in the door so she could either finish dinner, have a shower or go to the toilet. If he was 5 minutes late there would be tears because she hung out for that time you walked in the door and shared the load.

And when people say 'oh I miss when my daughter/son was a baby' I don't feel that way. I say 'there's not enough money in the world to make me do that again'. And that's sad you know? It was just so hard.

I love it now, and I can almost say it was worth all of that stress and strain on our marriage and finances because we aren't waiting for the 'baby' to grow up. We don't have to hang on to things forever until X grows out of it. 18 months difference from eldest to youngest is brilliant.. they like doing the same things, we feel like we're moving forward as a family now. We get sleep now.

I wish I enjoyed their babyhood more. I wish I wasn't so tired. I'm happy I took lots of photos because without them, it would be a blur.

I love them more than anything my three girls.

Twinny-ness

I notice as Laura and Olivia get older I'm absolutely powerless to influence their twinny-ness. It is special, but I have always since finding out they were on their way, pre-occupied with raising them as individuals and discouraging co-dependence. What I find myself enjoying quite unexpectedly is their closeness and it's times like these where I'll just find them sitting together watching TV makes my heart melt.

I'm changing my thinking a lot now they are older. I used to be insistent that they go into separate school classes when they start school, now I'm starting to reconsider. Someone asked me if they weren't related, just two besties going to the same school, would I want them to be in the same class? Research points to it being better for multiples to start school in the same class and then separating the year after - but I suppose it depends on the twin relationship/level of co-dependence and even their academic needs individually. Oh well another 1.5 years to think about it before I enrol!